WTF HAPPENED TO B5?!?!?!?!?

note: EVERYTHING HIGHLIGHTED IN PURPLE IS A LINK :)

If you don't know who B5 was then search it on wikipedia smh
B5 is was a boy band that consisted of five (of course smh) half-black brothers who were talented in the singing and dancing department.
but most ppl (or girls) didn't notice that as much because they were known for their looks more than their talent
they were supposedly modeled after the jackson5 and were backed by Diddy & his record label (bad boy records)
Some of their hits were "All i do", "U got me", & their rendition of the disney classic "who's afraid of the big bad wolf"

but then Diddy got bored with them and sold them off the a craptastic record label & then they "were under different management"
A.K.A. their careers were about to vanish like LaTavia's when she was fired from Destiny's Child smh (latavia who?)

But then they stunned the world when they came out with their first Diddy-free hit "Hydrolics" which did pretty well on it's own
but then......their second Diddy-free hit "In my bedroom" didn't get as much airtime cuz it kinda SUCKED!!!!!!
after that, i kinda don't remember anymore hits being made from them

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.....

they seemed to disappear for a long time and then one day i discovered that they're not B5 anymore.....apparently the name of the group is called AUDIOWERXZ smh
they went from this.......to this.......to THIS
what the hell happened????
first thing i thought when i saw that the most current pic (the last one i mentioned) was ".....THESE N!GGAS ARE FRUITY AS HELL" SMH

I've done you all a favor and uploaded these pictures so i could roast this sad excuse of a boy band DIRECTLY:

Now look at this "BEFORE" picture. This looks like a nice, wholesome, innocent boy band. These light skinned brothas had it MADE. They had girls drippin in the palms of their hands smh (i didn't mean for that to sound dirty lol).

NOW LOOK AT THE "AFTER" PICTURE smh

WTF happened?!?!?!?! THIS LOOKS LIKE THEY DISCOVERED RELAXER FOR THE FIRST TIME SMH. THEY STRAIGHTENED THE LIVING SHIT OUTTA THEIR HAIR SMH

Carnell (the one ALLLL the way to the left) looks like a gay & emo version of that black guy from star trek smh smh. Patrick (second from the left) just looks like a Michael Jackson impersonator that performs on the boardwalk of Coney Island for tip money smh. Dustin (middle) didn't change as much. he still looks pretty chill as always. Bryan (second from the right) looks like a furball with his failed attempt at a Justin Beiber haircut smh. Kelly (the one ALLLL the way to the right) looks like a reject from New York Fashion week lol

ok well....not to be all abrupt but i have a bedtime *cough* 2 AM *cough* so goodnight, america XD

MY STORY OF HOMECOMING

It is the morning after homecoming (11:52) and there's no way in hell i can get breakfast cuz McDonald's stops serving breakfast at 10 (i think) smh.
but anyway, i am POOPED & still trying to decide if i should eat breakfast or wait till lunch -_____-
i wonder if this is what KE$HA feels like when she wakes up the morning after a party lol
but i should get on with the story XD
My boyfriend and i had the schedule all planned out for the night:

 -GO TO HIS HOUSE @ 6:30
 -GET TO P.F. CHANG'S @ 7:00
 -LEAVE THE RESTAURANT @ 8:15
 -GET TO THE SCHOOL BY 8:45

did everything go as planned? IT NEVER DOES -____-
I asked my mom to get my boyfriend's birthday present & then she didn't come back till late cuz she was shoppin for other stuff too
so this is how our shedule went:

 -MOM ARRIVES HOME @ 5:45
 -MOM DOES MY HAIR & MAKEUP @ 6:30 (supposed to pick up boyfriend now)
 -MOM TAKES PICTURES BEFORE WE LEAVE HOME @ 8:15 (supposed to leave restaurant now)
 -WE GET ON THE ROAD TO PICK UP  BOYFRIEND @  8:20 (supposed to be on the way to the school now)

well, i think you get the gist that we were runnin on black ppl time smh
So by the time we pick up my boyfriend, we don't have enough time to go to the restaurant of choice, so we go to this thai place that's like 5 miles from my house smh
they brought out the food so quick that i was a little suspicious
i swear they microwaved it smh
and i don't think my boyfriend was too crazy about the food either lol
and while we were eating, another "homecoming group" was there and they decided to shout across the restaurant to my boyfriend cuz they haven't seen him in a while -_____-
my plan to be incognito was ruined
all i wanted to do was eat & haul ass to the dance before it was too late
but it got worse when we got to the actual dance smh
i had to wait for my boyfriend to actually get into the dance cuz the teachers were too busy tryna catch up with him
and about 10 seconds after we FINALLY got into the dance, ppl started rushing at him like he was black jesus or something
& don't get me wrong, i think it's really sweet that ppl miss him, but DAMN i wanted some time w/ my boo too lol
it was just awkward standing there when ppl (that i don't know that well) were having a conversation with my boyfriend & practically ignoring me (although i see them at school EVERYDAY)
so after that, we went to the gym where the party was & i saw alot of interesting things
like i mentioned in my earlier blog post, i saw little tweens runnin around in the WORST homecoming fashion i've EVER SEEN
this one girl was wearin a floor-length dress with some CHUCK TAYLORS on, lookin like she wanna be AVRIL LAVIGNE or some weird shit like that smh
ALOT of girls were lookin MAD CHEAP up in there
like, how are u gonna wear a cheap dress but then have on some hooker heels that are 6 inches tall?
THAT'S JUST GHETTO smh
it was so bad that i almost felt like i was overdressed -___-
but i did get alot of compliments & nasty looks from jealous girls XD
and it ended up being a great night :)
and if my boyfriend were here with me right now, i would say "I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK HOME AGAIN" :)

FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!!!

note: everything highlighted in purple is a link

another note: if you recognize yourself in any of these facebook statuses/picutres, please do not be offended. This is for comedic purposes only :)

Do you know what ppl do on friday nights?
If you're old, you go to happy hour
If you're young, you go club hoppin
If you're boring, you write blogs ;)
So imma write a special blog today, to celebrate Friday XD
Leggoooooo!!!!

Let's start with facebook smh....
i swear ppl's ignorance is contagious -_____-

WHAT'S NEW?!?!?

What's new is that you're just realizing that your love life has been stabbed in the artificial heart and has died violently because you've given it (your body) to pretty much everybody smh

You're actually the cause of you're own heartbreak, DUMBASS!!!

Everyone knows you're a H.I.T. (hoe-in-training) except for you smh.....this is just ignorance -____-

I HATE these statuses!!!!

"sure, Billy, I'll like your status so you can tell me how ugly i am on a scale from 1-100. Usually ppl just stop at ten but NOOOOOO, you have get all specific on me"

OH, GOD....Did you really just admit that you're bored & pathetic?

......AND THAT YOU WILL ACTUALLY DO THEM ALL?!?!?!

You're just setting yourself up for failure smh

There's so many things wrong with this one that i don't even know where to begin smh.

how are things falling on your head considered awkward?

The only time it's awkward is if someone was watching the whole time smh

And that's already considered awkward, even if nothing falls on your head

 no one wants a peeping tom lol

But what i'm shocked about is that 7 other ppl actually like this status -_____-

How many other ppl have had this happen to them?

Odds are, not many shower rods/curtains decide to just jump off the wall and hit you in the head lol

And then this girl decides to comment and says "were you dancing when this happened? cuz that happens to me all the time"

Who likes to dance naked in the shower?

And if this type of thing happens to you all the time, then you either need to get a new shower rod/curtain or you need to find another bathroom to dance in.....like this

No shit, sherlock. If you're just now figuring this out, then i'm worried about you. People have been writing whole BOOKS about this stuff smh.

BUT YOU JUST RUINED IT FOR YOURSELF -_____-

What if the guy you were talking about in your status saw this?

Then he'll know that you're playing hard-to-get and will find an alternative way to ulimately PLAY YOU.

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN????

Does that mean you're gonna get high?

Cuz i think you already are, since your status makes no sense at all -___-

and btw you misspelled the word "rocketship"

......BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I don't even have to say anything about this one lol

The person who commented on this status just summed up everything i wanted to say in just two little words lol

um..........I guess he knows now smh

YOU JUST PUT IT ON FACEBOOK!!!!!

He probably saw it 2 seconds after you posted it.

I hate it when ppl do this -____-

You act like he won't see it

That's just like telling someone a secret but yelling it so that everyone in the building can hear what you're saying.

And because i love you all, imma do one more:

i found some pictures of some hot (ghetto) messes and imma roast them cuz this was too good of an opportunity to pass up lol.

If you can even see this crispy girl, she's wearing a romper/jumpsuit smh.

that girl looks like stole an amish quilt and made this outfit -___-

And the white belt makes her look even worse and that pose doesn't help at all

This, apparently, is a prom photo O.o

I STILL can't figure out the theme that they had for prom

I see tutus, pearls, corsets, and a half-shaven head- sounds like Willow Smith to me

 The queen of hot (ghetto) messes has arrived:

IT'S FANTASIA!!!!!!!

i can't believe she's not skinny anymore, and I STILL can't believe she won american idol smh.

 This is another Willow Smith in the making smh

 NO WHITE AFTER  LABOR DAY!!!!!

This is probably why they made up the rule in the first place.

Um.........You look like the long-lost sister of Mario&Luigi.

They called and said something about collecting money and getting more shrooms.

I think you need to call them back ASAP

here's their number:

1-800-PLUMBER

 Girl, if you don't take those candy-colored Jesus Sandals of yo feet, imma have to take a picture and post this on my blog.

OH WAIT.............I JUST DID!!!!!

BAHAHAHAHAHA

Homecoming!

note: everything highlighted in purple is a link :)

For some reason, I am excited about homecoming being a month earlier than usual. Last year, it was halloween day i think & i had some "issues" w/ and ex of mine and the school hoe smh.
but THIS YEAR is gonna be different. I'm gonna have my boyfriend by my side and my ex can eat his heart out, for all i care smh.
Homecoming is Sept. 24 and the WHOLE homecoming theme is the wizard of oz......click here for the black version lol

These are the themed days for homecoming week:
1)Monday- Camo day:
As much as i respect people of the armed forces, HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIND SOME CAMO LYING AROUND IN MY CLOSET?

Not everyone has some extra camo that's just waiting for them to take it smh
I'm prolly gonna look like G.I. Jane -____-

2)Tuesday- Pajama day:
Let's just say that I don't really have any school-appropriate pajamas that i can wear lol.

3)Wednesday- superhero/villain day:
Again, DO YOU REALLY THINK BLACK PPL HAVE SUPERHERO PARAPHENALIA IN THEIR CLOSET??? Now i'm gonna have to steal a too-litte spiderman shirt so i can actuallly participate smh.

4)Thursday- Class theme day:
Our class theme is the enchanted forest i think smh
BUT WHAT KINDA THEME IS THAT?!??! The school must really hate us -_____-
How the hell am i gonna dress like a tree and be beautiful at the same time?
i'm gonna be lookin like the green giant or a chia pet with plants duct-taped to my head smh
or i can dress like broccoli..or poison ivy from batman...she's pretty badass

5) Friday: Class color day:
I don't own a stitch of gold in my closet (our class color is gold). And black ppl don't do too well with the color gold anyway smh......idk what i'm gonna do for spirit week -_____-

BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BAD PART!!!!
i don't even know what to get for homecoming
Should i get a dress like Dorothy's with some red peeptoes?
Or should i get an elegant dress that represents emerald city?
the world may never know.....until homecoming, of course :)

School Shopping: The trilogy.......

note: everything highlighted in purple is a link

Today i've decided to blog about what i've been doing for the past 3 days.....SHOPPING
but i thought it would be unfair/boring to just blog about today, so i'm gonna tell you about the whole "school shopping experience" to make it a little more entertaining.

Day 1: Kohl's
This past wednesday, my mom took my brother to Kohl's to take him school shopping cuz that was the only day we could do it. Of course, i don't wanna sit there all bored and looking at nothing but nerdy pants for my manchild of a brother, so my mom said i could look around and see if i liked anything. For some reason, I don't like Kohl's AT ALL. That store has some boring crap that is mass produced. Like, anybody can have my dress cuz there's like 28346 of them in a size small, nahmean? I don't wan't anything that everyone has......and i don't wanna look CHEAP. So anyway, i look around and i see, like, 2 things that i like. Everything that i like is either too small or practically disposable smh. You could wear one of their shirts and it falls apart after a month smh. But i DID find a blazer and a nice blouse that i wore for orientation XD

Day 2: XXI Forever (a.k.a. Forever 21)
THIS....IS....MY.....STORE!!!!! I frickin love this store with all my heart. If i could have a summer job, this would be it....DEFINITELY. I have a CrapTon of stuff from there. This is not your usual Forever 21 store, this store has TWO STORIES of nothing but awesome clothes, accessories, and shoes :)
But anyway, my mom let me go in there & just pick out what i wanted. I hadn't been there in so long and when in walked in there i felt like i was in HEAVEN!!!! there was fashion surrounding me :)
the only thing that screwed it up were the customers smh. I have never seen a pretty person walk into forever 21.....EVER. They're either fat & think they're skinny, look like a dragqueen/Lady GayGay/early Madonna/hot mess, or are old people that wanna stay young forever. Just because it says FOREVER 21, doesn't mean the clothes will make you look FOREVER 21 smh. So, anyway, the mall closes @ 9:30 and i walked into the store @ 9:00. Thirty minutes to look for some clothes for school? You're talking about mission impossible here lol
So the fitting rooms were upstairs so i was forced to take the escalator up there lol
All i saw upstairs were gay black boys working the sales floor XD
&they were really nice :)
The fitting room lady was nice too. she helped me with the clothes & everything.
Then i looked at the clock and it was past 9:30 so i was like "crap....i gotta hurry". So i hurried up and gave her the clothes that i didn't want and she said that i could shop on the way downstairs. THEN this older lady kept asking me how my "shopping experience" went, like i was gonna steal something. Just cuz i'm black doesn't mean i'm gonna steal a $5 shirt that i don't want anyway. So i told that lady that i found everything i was looking for and i took the escalator downstairs. But then i saw the CUTE cropped jacket that i just HAD to have and i looked at it for TWO SECONDS and then this snooki lookin b*tch with two different colors of neon-blue eyeshadow is gonna get up in my face & say (in a rude way) "our registers are starting to close" which means "b*tch u need to hurry up & pay for ya shit cuz i wanna go home"
I honestly don't blame her for wanting to go home but she didn't have to be rude about it. I was so pissed. Then when i went up to the register, some british-black lady was lookin at me funny cuz i gave her a debit card instad of some crinkled-up dollar bills, pocket change, and some pocket-lint smh.
Those ppl are so rude but i love their clothes lol

Day 3: The Outlet Mall
Today i went to the outlet mall......YES i said it....THE OUTLET MALL (during hurricane Irene...don't judge)
At first i didn't wanna go to the outlet mall but when i realized what was there, i was like "hell yeah i wanna go" lol
This is better than any mall you've ever been to. They have more name brands than any other mall i've EVER been to. I've got a few pairs of $100 pants XD
I've got stuff so expensive that you'd pass out if you read the receipt.
$200 dollars for a blazer? Yes ma'am,i gots that too :p
The only reason why i won't write much about what i got and which store i got it from is because i don't want anyone to have the same thing i have cuz there's always that one person that's tryna get what i have smh

But to sum it up, i have some REALLY great clothes for the year :)
I can't wait for christmas, plus my birthday is a week after christmas so i get twice as many presents XD

HIGH SCHOOL ORIENTATION

note: everything highlighted in purple is a link

Today i went to my high school's orientation.
Every year, you pick up your schedule, find your classes, recieve their school supply lists, and maybe eat a wonderful soyburger that tastes like liquid smoke but today was different -___-
I roll up in the school and i see little teenyboppers running around the school like it's a frickin playground and i thought to myself, "These can't be the freshmen....they look like those little kids from the disney sitcom 'ANT farm'........are they like, 12 or something?"
And I'm not exaggerating....these girls are like 4'11 or shorter, have training bras, and have frickin JustinBieber lunchboxes and backpacks. And the boys are so wack that i cant even form a word to describe how uncool they are smh. They be lookin like this -____-
i swear, the freshmen get sluttier and younger every year smh
and it gets worse.....
everytime we have to find our classes, the little froshmores are running around cuz they haven't figured out how our hallway numbering system works lol
The hallway looks like this when you're a freshman but it starts to look like this by sophmore year lol
but forrreal tho.....they were making me late to my classes and homie don't play that
But i did get my school supply lists that look like this but all imma get is this lol

Going to the dentist

note: eveything highlighted in purple is a link

Today i went to the dentist to get a deep cleaning done. They never told me what to expect.....
It was already bad enough that this middle-aged Bill Cosby lookin man was talking to me like i was 5
-_____-
then he said that he was gonna numb one side of my mouth so he could inject anesthesia (which would make my mouth even more numb) in six places on the inside of my mouth. Of course, I was already shitting bricks and the guy hadn't even touched my mouth yet.

So the stuff he put in my mouth to numb it for the injections tasted like poisoned cough syrup or cherry-flavored candy from the dollar store. Then when he was injecting the anestesia, it felt like a pinch at first and then my whole mouth felt like i tried to commit suicide by drinkin tobasco sauce. It was HORRIBLE. Then the guy was telling me about the thingy that will clean my teeth and that it sends "electical pulses" & shit mixed with water and BLAH BLAH BLAH. And then i reached up to wipe something off my face and it felt like one side of my face was swollen as a mofo.  I asked then dentist about it and he said it wasn't that noticeable......that was some BS cuz as soon as he gave me a mirror, i saw that my face looked like i survived a stroke everytime i smiled. Plus my mouth was full of blood like i ate glass for lunch smh. If this is what it feels like to have botox, then i'll just have to be an old ugly wrinkly granny. IT'S NOT WORTH IT. The dentist said that the numbness should only last for about a couple hours but it lasted for, like, 4 hours smh. My mom and my brother went into Rita's to get some ice cream and i couldn't get any cuz i couldn't feel my mouth when i ate. But then my mom gave me the rest of hers and i ended up with crumbs and ice cream all over my mouth cuz i couldn't feel SHIT. I was so happy when i could feel my mouth again but then i realized......I HAVE TO GET THE OTHER SIDE CLEANED ON FRIDAY (which means that i have to do this all over again in two days)

So the lesson you learned today is that you should VISIT A DENTIST REGULARLY and TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH or you'll end up looking like this after a deep cleaning.

I survived the east coast urfquake of 8.23.11 :)

note: everything highlighted in purple is a link :)
What had happened was....
my mumsie, bro and yours truly was tryna get to Dave&Buster's and we had stopped a an intersection.
Then we saw this (most likely fake) homeless man with a piece a cardboard and the usual  message sayin "please give me money & may God bless you".
Of course, being the horrible person that I am, I start making fun of the fact that he doesn't even look homeless, and that it's probably just a scam.
& right after i said that, the URF started shakin our car like this.
& i legitimately thought that God was punishing our car :(
i was about to do some HAIL MARYs like the Pope on his lunch break. but then i noticed that everyone else's car was shakin like a stripper so that meant that i had just survived the east coast URFQUAKE of 8.23.11 :D

PEOPLE OF WALMART

this is my take on the good, bad, and ugly creatures of "wally world"

Note: anything hightlighted in purple is a link :)

this lady looks like stole Willy Wonka's sunglasses......is that a man?

How the hell are u gonna be gansta when yo shirt is tucked in????

It's not considered saggin if yo mama made u tuck yo shirt in before u left the house smh

this fatty looks like a CHEETAH GIRLS REJECT....did u really have to murder the whole jungle and then wear it on ur stanky booty???

PETA (and Tony the tiger) is gonna kill you in ur sleep tonight

and if your gonna wear animal print, at least make sure the shit matches.....that's just tacky right there smh

IT'S A BIRD.....IT'S A PLANE...IT'S.........SONIC THE DOUCHEBAG!!!!

i swear i feel like cutting my wrist now smh

i guess prostitutes/cross-dressers have to shop too smh

Excuse me, ma'am........i think ur belt is tryna tell you something.......it's saying that ur pants are too small and they're tired of seeing Mr. BootyCrack.....just sayin....

Sir, ur confusing me......are you the KKK, or are you impersonating Casper the Friendly Ghost? smh

damn.....i know how u feel, girl.......those 3-month long road trips from africa make me sleepy too lol

Remember in elementary school when it was cute for you and your best friend to dress alike for a day????

WELL IT AIN'T CUTE NO MORE!!!!! smh

this lady looks like Elvira before her morning coffee........

AND without a glam squad, special effects, and a tummy tuck smh

I was 110% sure that elvis was dead

Now i'm starting to question the death of Michael Jackson, Osama, Biggie, and James Brown o.o

this is a prime example of a black man on the "downlow"

I wanna see the day that he has to explain this to his wife lol

"Baby...I can explain...You see, I was workin out with the Jane Fonda excercise video tape and i took a water break....but we had no water.....so i hopped in the car, without changing, and went to walmart and this crazy kid kept takin pictures of me and sayin 'this is goin on the internet fa sho'....you gotta believe me"

yup......that's not gonna go over well smh

BACK TO SCHOOL SEASON

note: anything red is a link :)
According to america....."back to school" season starts in freakin JULY  -______-
DO I REALLY NEED TO BE REMINDED THAT I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL SOON????
that just ruins my whole vacation....although i spend most of my time doing this
and I'm always pressured to find the perfect clothes for the first day of school.....and if i don't, my peers will do this.....or this -____-
and since my mom is a procrastinator........we she usually waits until the weekend before school starts to shop for my clothes -___-
by that time, the store ends up looking like this cuz everyone took all the good stuff....or just stuff, in general :(
and, on the first day, everyone looks like this and i look like this....